HE>i

^"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

His plan>My fears of the Unplanned.
Each day I am reminded of the power he posses to intercede in my life. Sunday night I spent some time planning my week, scheduling workouts, penciling in appointments, and writing my to-do list. I knew that Monday, in particular, would be a busy day. Because I am trying to focus more attention on maintaining healthy balance with meals throughout the day, I decided to make a rough meal plan for the day ahead.  I know my weakness to give in under pressure and stress so I figured this plan ahead would give me an upper hand. As luck would have it, my Monday quickly veered from the projected and in turn affected "my planned" out day/meals/schedule etc...
It threw me for a loop. Nothing horrible happened, and looking back on yesterday I am trying to uncover what really went so wrong. The truth is nothing went WRONG..just not according to MY plan. Sometimes that is so wrong in my book. 
I know that God has his own plans for me, and it is nearly impossible to fight it. At some point yesterday I had to accept that I was not in control of everything I wanted to be.  I had zero control over the fact that eight people walked in to the INN fifteen minutes before we were supposed to close; I had no choice but to serve them with a smile. I could not change the fact that I had to miss my orthodontist appointment because I was stuck at work later than expected.  I could not undo the choices that caused me to skip breakfast. I could not do a thing about the delayed departure from work which had me scrambling to get to my counseling session in time. These events just happened. The day was not a disaster, but by noon I was already feeling like a failure.. Why? Because I couldn't hold it together enough to stick to my plan. 
My plans for tomorrow are merely expectations for myself  if everything else goes according to my expectations, but how often does it actually work out this way.
Tonight again I found myself "planning" my tomorrow. I have an early morning shift again and it just seemed like getting organized the night before is a smart way to go. I had to stop though. I had to stop writing out my tomorrow because I really have no idea how it will turn up. My plan for tomorrow is to live in the moment, and to act on instinct. I do not need a list to tell me what to do next. My goodness, that list holds absolutely no regard for the person I am. My plan is to respond to the unexpected with compassion and understanding rather than guilt and punishment. I am not to blame for all that goes wrong, or not even wrong but just different. My plan is to put my trust in the Lord because his plan is never to harm me, but to give hope and a future. 
Let go and trust. You can not worry about tomorrow when you do not even know how it will come to be.

Sieze ToDAY

We have all heard of the term "Once in a lifetime opportunity..."
This is usually used to describe something incredible, implying an opportunity that you should not pass up, it wont come again!

The crazy thing is that I believe each moment deserves that kind of attention and reverence. Why? Because each moment in our life is a once in a lifetime. This moment, right now, is something so uniquely spectacular because for all of eternity it will not come again. This moment, right now, is so precious because it will be done before I can think it.
Its done and in my past.

I can not go back and change my thoughts, or actions of the previous, so why on earth should I waste time criticizing it?  I know, a moment seems so insignificant in a day that consists of hundreds of moments. But piece them together and you have a beautiful collection of moments that comprise a day.

In twenty-four hours, I am gifted with moments of fear, shame, sadness, defeat, pain, joy, gladness, victory, comfort, love. Some moments are spent with friends, and others are spent with those whom we cant stand.  There are moments spent alone in precious solitude and reflection...these are my favorite :) The point is that each day is so unique and unpredictable, and with that said  there are so many ways to spend our moments in the day.

I believe that each moment is on its own- a gift, and its totally up to me to decide how I will spend it. Its crazy to think about- mind blowing! Imagine how much power we posses to create our own precious moments. 

But what gives one moment more value over any other? Nothing outside of our control. Whether you are facing tragedy or joyous celebration, the power of this moment lies well within your grasp. My words for you today are rather than to focus on the day, focus on  ceasing THIS moment. Right now is once in a lifetime, so take the opportunities of right now and live them to the fullest.

Throughout the ups and downs of this past years journey I have discovered so much peace in reclaiming the present moment. In the depths of my eating disorder days, and still some days now, it was not uncommon for me to waste an afternoon fretting over what I ate for breakfast, or better yet worrying about how I will fit a long enough workout in tomorrow.... But what purpose do these worries serve me in this moment?

Today I am trying dilligently to focus my all on each moment. This means being present and living in THIS moment, not the last or the next. Right now is where I am, and that is the only place I should be. I want to thank the past for what has taught me- through mistakes and misfortunes. I want to look forward to what lies ahead in the future. Most importantly though, I want to be content in this moment. That doesn't mean that I must do anything extraordinary, but simply to remind myself that I am here living in the now gives me the advantage in capturing the beauty of each moment.
 
With each exhaling breath I am trying to focus on letting go of the past moment and we saying goodbye to what is done.  I have enough to focus on in the here and now :)

How do I Seize my moments???

I *inhale* take in the beauty of spring blossoms

I do Yoga on the beach, at sunset, living in the moment.

I choose to not just feed my body, but to heal my mind body and soul with nourishing foods

I live in Peace babay`

I surrender the moment to Christ

Be good>loooking perfect saves worries from the moment

Walking and breathing is peace

cocoa berry bliss.

HOW DO YOU SEIZE YOUR MOMENTS?? :)

Getting on that BBG Bandwagon.

Hello strangers.
It has been entirely too long!
I am in the midst of trying to juggle school, work, and a less than thriving social life. Oh the obligations of a twenty three year old ;)
Anyways  I am here to talk about this thing called BBG- a craze that I just happened to stumble across when I ran into my first BBG girls transformation photo/story. I have been following this girl on insta ever since and her transformation opened my eyes to this whole fitfam that this movement has created.

                  And what IS this BBG, you might ask?

For those of you not familiar with this program, it was designed by an Australian native and fitness guru Kayla Itsines. Check out her blog, follow her on instagram... do whatever you need to do. But, I am telling you that you will be inspired. Health is so much more than just those fluctuating numbers that we see on the scale. Health is about deciding to love yourself today and make the choice to be fit because you LOVE yourself not to punish. This is so the approach that Kayla takes, and the exact inspiration which I was craving.
Not to mention, the proof is in the pudding. There is no denying that success with this program will take time, hard work, sweat, and sacrifice. But, after spending months of spectating and wishing "what if" I have decided that I too am worth the results of health and happiness. I have  decided that I owe it to myself to take the leap and give this healthy lifestyle a shot. This is not about numbers and restriction for me. And this is the first time that I can say that with complete honesty. When it comes to joining any kind of "program" for me the bottom line has always been about the numbers (lost). Of course the transformation photos are so encouraging, and I would love to have a body that looks half as fit as some of these girls, but the bottom line for me now..... is that I know that this program produces lasting HEALTHY results.
Regardless of how much I hate my before photo and how ashamed I am to show it. Regardless of what The after photo  might look like; I know that the bottom line is, if I commit to this program I will be making choices that bring me closer to my goals with health.  With that I will say that I am so excited and inspired to get on this BBG train!

I will be starting both the workout program and H.E.L.P. (healthy eating/living plan) this coming Monday, February 2nd. As I mentioned before, this is no quick fix, but a twelve week program, that is intended to be carried on beyond the three months. I will be sure to post updates, reflections, progress in the weeks to come. Thank you as always for the love and support.
Cheers!
Sarah

Blogging Inspiration, Friday Faves

I have been in quite a reflective mood these past few days... Alot of deep stuff on my mind... I will admit that I tend to ramble on about topics that mean much to me, but simply do not carry the same weight for those readers. My biggest fear is that my messages might carry a somewhat negative tone,when that is simply not my intent. My mission is NOT to complain nor request sympathy.  I am blogging for many reasons. At this point, it is deeply rooted in a desire to express. Its a way of putting my thoughts out there without forcing them upon anyone. So here take it or leave it :)

Writing brings me clarity. It helps me to sort through all of the craziness that crowds my mind. It helps me to make sense of the thoughts that seem senseless. Writing  brings me peace.  It allows me to let go of the unnecessary baggage- senseless rules, judgements, and ED thoughts. Writing enables me to forgive. myself and others. thoughts.  actions.  everything. It has given me the opportunity to reflect of the days trials and triumphs with recognition and acceptance, not judgement. 

More than anything I want to inspire. I want to show (not just tell) the world, my readers... YOU(!!!) that it is more than ok to struggle.  Pain, suffering, and tears do not make you weak. Showing your vulnerable side does not make you flawed. We all have vulnerable sides. Hiding our struggles does not make them disappear. Hiding pieces of your life, behind the perfectionist facade does not buy you more friends. It might even make you feel more lonely with the friends you do have. When your friends don't know whats going on in your life, they cant possibly understand. Most heartbreaking of all, they can not offer support if they are left in the dark. I guess what Im trying to say is I want my message to be one of acceptance and light. I want to inspire both myself and those who visit this page to Accept where you are right now. Love yourself right now. It is ok to desire change. But do not hate the things (struggles) that you desire TO change. Instead,  embrace them. Rise above the hate and punishment. It just a cyclical game that will not bring you success.  Decide today that your weaknesses do NOT make you weak, but but they will teach you how to be resilient.

Bottom line is that I want this experience to be a positive one for myself and those of you reading. I want my messages (even the deep and emotional ones ;) to bring understanding and acceptance. Thanks for bearing with me. More structured, directional posts to come. Bless you tonight, tomorrow, and always.
Believe in your goodness and ability to bring positivity to this world.
I believe in you.
And because This post was intended to be a recap of my friday faves... I will end on this note.
A few of my favorite *random* things of the week...


This post by Hungry Runner Girl. Do you workout because you LOVe or hate your body? I totally wish that I could say it is all about the love for me but that is simply not true. I am working towards that, and it is definitely a work in progress for me.

TEA. More specifically. YOGI tea. YOGI in a glass. because its better that way :) This is the ginger for those of you curious.

*The voice of your soul is breath*

Reading > CYbertime before bed. I have been trying my best to unwind with a book, rather than checking facebook, insta etc before bed. I act like its something I must force myself to do, but it is such a treat. I love me a good book.

Bed. Cozies. Book. Candles. Me Time Perfection.

Last but not least. These little angels. My inspiration. Joy. LIFE. Nathanael and Georgey. (no they are NOT mine)

It is impossible to look into the eyes of a baby and not have faith in something greater than science. Life is so complex. So precious. So beautiful.

Cheers to the weekend.
Love Sarah

Cheese is...Just Cheese.

I ate cheese today.
Yes I did. I ate cheese. Tonight, while preparing cheesy bread for the rest of my family.. I took a nibble, and another, and another. I ate some cheese, and nothing happened.
There I said it, and most of you are likely thinking to yourself...yeah, so what? Well the what is this... to admit to eating cheese is a very horrifying thing. For the past 18 months I have loosely clung to this identity of "vegan."  Many objectives fueled my desire. I wanted to try it. No harm in that! I had watched several films re- health determent's of excess meat consumption and/or animal products. Not to mention, the information regarding animal cruelty really struck conflict with me. While I do not consider myself a "hippy" by any stretch, I consider cruelty to animals an evil action. Anyways I am NOT going to get into the details of my more than likely faulty argument. The point is, my Eating Disorder was not the sole contributing factor for making this switch.  The shift was gradual, and not super extreme. I claimed  to be vegan, yet occasionally would slip in my ways and have a bite of something that contained animal products.
I said nothing happened. Initially nothing DID happen, until i was confronted by the sequential shame that always follows  this action. This is a feeling I have become all to familiar with these last few months as I attempt to cling to this vegan identity, while my heart and mind are telling me to let go.  The shame is quite unbearable. I am a phony because I claim to be one thing but not always do I stick  to it.
 The thing is I truly believe that I feel best, both psychologically and physically, living off a primarily plant based diet. That being said... rules are not good for me at this moment in time. They are constricting, at a time when I am trying to break free. Choosing Vegan is not an Eating disorder, but obsession over the rules is a symptom of ED.  Any opportunity it has to make rules, and set limits on food is an open invitation to let the ED take over.
I am Sarah Kristine Seus. I a a believer. Lover. Friend. Sister. Daughter. Student. Yogi. Athlete. Health enthusiast.I am a fighter.  I am many things. I do not need my diet to define me. I will continue to fight for freedom from the rules of Ed which I have so willingly surrendered my days to. I Will continue to explore, with curiosity not judgment how my body might respond to the new foods that I might put into it. 
Thank you for the support.
I pray that whoever is reading this might be inspired to try one thing today... try to say no to rules and give yourself the opportunity to trust yourself!

Today.

In response to this day: This day was not what I expected. My food choices did not live up to my expectations. I am left feeling ashamed, defeated, sad, and disgusted.

But, tonight I am taking this negativity as an opportunity to be curious. “Is my day merely defined by the food that I eat?”

Today I woke up happy and committed to making it a good day. I woke up energized and inspired to make the most of this day. I treated myself to fitness with a healthy attitude, not to punish. I kept in mind this idea of compassion, “I am moving because it is what my body needs and deserves.” I enjoyed an easy yoga practice that calmed my mind. I walked and reflected upon my many thoughts. Today I was able to share the Gospel with my dear Pops. I met my cousin for a spur of the moment coffee date. All of this before noon!

I walked to the adoration chapel. Thank you Jesus for my life today! After this I felt inspired to keep sharing this energy so I took the drive over to visit my daddy at work. Oh the joy that someone’s smile and presence can bring to a day.

Despite what my eating disorder tells me, This day was not a loss. I did not sit at home and mope, nor did I punish myself when I felt at a loss for answers. This moment of disappointment and discouragement will not consume me to the point that I choose to hate today, and myself for that matter. Today was not a failure. It was a battle well fought. Today was a victory, in that I am able to recognize the shortcomings, but not let them define my day as failure. I am writing this note mostly to myself to make this fact undeniable: Today was a BLESSING.

I am learning, growing, and thriving everyday that I choose to see the challenges as opportunities and the losses not as failures but as precious lessons learned.

Thank you Jesus for today :)

....and a totally random photo of my kitty... but he makes me smile.

Ho Simey!