Tuesday, April 14, 2015

HE>i

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

His plan>My fears of the Unplanned.
Each day I am reminded of the power he posses to intercede in my life. Sunday night I spent some time planning my week, scheduling workouts, penciling in appointments, and writing my to-do list. I knew that Monday, in particular, would be a busy day. Because I am trying to focus more attention on maintaining healthy balance with meals throughout the day, I decided to make a rough meal plan for the day ahead.  I know my weakness to give in under pressure and stress so I figured this plan ahead would give me an upper hand. As luck would have it, my Monday quickly veered from the projected and in turn affected "my planned" out day/meals/schedule etc...
It threw me for a loop. Nothing horrible happened, and looking back on yesterday I am trying to uncover what really went so wrong. The truth is nothing went WRONG..just not according to MY plan. Sometimes that is so wrong in my book. 
I know that God has his own plans for me, and it is nearly impossible to fight it. At some point yesterday I had to accept that I was not in control of everything I wanted to be.  I had zero control over the fact that eight people walked in to the INN fifteen minutes before we were supposed to close; I had no choice but to serve them with a smile. I could not change the fact that I had to miss my orthodontist appointment because I was stuck at work later than expected.  I could not undo the choices that caused me to skip breakfast. I could not do a thing about the delayed departure from work which had me scrambling to get to my counseling session in time. These events just happened. The day was not a disaster, but by noon I was already feeling like a failure.. Why? Because I couldn't hold it together enough to stick to my plan. 
My plans for tomorrow are merely expectations for myself  if everything else goes according to my expectations, but how often does it actually work out this way.
Tonight again I found myself "planning" my tomorrow. I have an early morning shift again and it just seemed like getting organized the night before is a smart way to go. I had to stop though. I had to stop writing out my tomorrow because I really have no idea how it will turn up. My plan for tomorrow is to live in the moment, and to act on instinct. I do not need a list to tell me what to do next. My goodness, that list holds absolutely no regard for the person I am. My plan is to respond to the unexpected with compassion and understanding rather than guilt and punishment. I am not to blame for all that goes wrong, or not even wrong but just different. My plan is to put my trust in the Lord because his plan is never to harm me, but to give hope and a future. 
Let go and trust. You can not worry about tomorrow when you do not even know how it will come to be.