Passing by Perfection: April 2015

^"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

His plan>My fears of the Unplanned.
Each day I am reminded of the power he posses to intercede in my life. Sunday night I spent some time planning my week, scheduling workouts, penciling in appointments, and writing my to-do list. I knew that Monday, in particular, would be a busy day. Because I am trying to focus more attention on maintaining healthy balance with meals throughout the day, I decided to make a rough meal plan for the day ahead. I know my weakness to give in under pressure and stress so I figured this plan ahead would give me an upper hand. As luck would have it, my Monday quickly veered from the projected and in turn affected "my planned" out day/meals/schedule etc...
It threw me for a loop. Nothing horrible happened, and looking back on yesterday I am trying to uncover what really went so wrong. The truth is nothing went WRONG..just not according to MY plan. Sometimes that is so wrong in my book.
I know that God has his own plans for me, and it is nearly impossible to fight it. At some point yesterday I had to accept that I was not in control of everything I wanted to be. I had zero control over the fact that eight people walked in to the INN fifteen minutes before we were supposed to close; I had no choice but to serve them with a smile. I could not change the fact that I had to miss my orthodontist appointment because I was stuck at work later than expected. I could not undo the choices that caused me to skip breakfast. I could not do a thing about the delayed departure from work which had me scrambling to get to my counseling session in time. These events just happened. The day was not a disaster, but by noon I was already feeling like a failure.. Why? Because I couldn't hold it together enough to stick to my plan.
My plans for tomorrow are merely expectations for myself if everything else goes according to my expectations, but how often does it actually work out this way.
Tonight again I found myself "planning" my tomorrow. I have an early morning shift again and it just seemed like getting organized the night before is a smart way to go. I had to stop though. I had to stop writing out my tomorrow because I really have no idea how it will turn up. My plan for tomorrow is to live in the moment, and to act on instinct. I do not need a list to tell me what to do next. My goodness, that list holds absolutely no regard for the person I am. My plan is to respond to the unexpected with compassion and understanding rather than guilt and punishment. I am not to blame for all that goes wrong, or not even wrong but just different. My plan is to put my trust in the Lord because his plan is never to harm me, but to give hope and a future.
Let go and trust. You can not worry about tomorrow when you do not even know how it will come to be.

We have all heard of the term "Once in a lifetime opportunity..."
This is usually used to describe something incredible, implying an opportunity that you should not pass up, it wont come again!

The crazy thing is that I believe each moment deserves that kind of attention and reverence. Why? Because each moment in our life is a once in a lifetime. This moment, right now, is something so uniquely spectacular because for all of eternity it will not come again. This moment, right now, is so precious because it will be done before I can think it.
Its done and in my past.

I can not go back and change my thoughts, or actions of the previous, so why on earth should I waste time criticizing it? I know, a moment seems so insignificant in a day that consists of hundreds of moments. But piece them together and you have a beautiful collection of moments that comprise a day.

In twenty-four hours, I am gifted with moments of fear, shame, sadness, defeat, pain, joy, gladness, victory, comfort, love. Some moments are spent with friends, and others are spent with those whom we cant stand. There are moments spent alone in precious solitude and reflection...these are my favorite :) The point is that each day is so unique and unpredictable, and with that said there are so many ways to spend our moments in the day.

I believe that each moment is on its own- a gift, and its totally up to me to decide how I will spend it. Its crazy to think about- mind blowing! Imagine how much power we posses to create our own precious moments.

But what gives one moment more value over any other? Nothing outside of our control. Whether you are facing tragedy or joyous celebration, the power of this moment lies well within your grasp. My words for you today are rather than to focus on the day, focus on ceasing THIS moment. Right now is once in a lifetime, so take the opportunities of right now and live them to the fullest.

Throughout the ups and downs of this past years journey I have discovered so much peace in reclaiming the present moment. In the depths of my eating disorder days, and still some days now, it was not uncommon for me to waste an afternoon fretting over what I ate for breakfast, or better yet worrying about how I will fit a long enough workout in tomorrow.... But what purpose do these worries serve me in this moment?

Today I am trying dilligently to focus my all on each moment. This means being present and living in THIS moment, not the last or the next. Right now is where I am, and that is the only place I should be. I want to thank the past for what has taught me- through mistakes and misfortunes. I want to look forward to what lies ahead in the future. Most importantly though, I want to be content in this moment. That doesn't mean that I must do anything extraordinary, but simply to remind myself that I am here living in the now gives me the advantage in capturing the beauty of each moment.

With each exhaling breath I am trying to focus on letting go of the past moment and we saying goodbye to what is done. I have enough to focus on in the here and now :)

How do I Seize my moments???